87. Three's a Crowd
- L Rshaw
- Jan 23, 2020
- 7 min read
Updated: Apr 16, 2022
"Two people, in a room, can get more done than a hundred...Unless you need to move a Piano"
T'Chaka & T'Challa in Marvel's Captain America: Civil War
Personally, I think there's a reason why missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints generally work in pairs of two. It can be a miracle sometimes just to get a team of two grinding on all gears, let alone a team of three. And that applies to all sorts of things in life. Sometimes it works, but sometimes, less is more. I'm not a fan of group projects.
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MAN DOWN
Long story short while respecting privacy, my companion of two months and friend of 13 months, Elder Scott, had to go home on medical leave. I still remember when we got the call. We were in the middle of a lesson when Elder Scott stepped out to take the call. I suspected what it was by the look on his face when he returned. It was a difficult time for both of us, but especially for him, I'm sure. That same night Elder Scott packed up everything and slept in the Mission Home in order to leave early the next day. It was so sudden and quick, literally there one day and gone the next.
It was a very trying time. On my part, I felt like I had let Elder Scott down. I already felt like I lost Elder Whitlock, who was my first companion back in the MTC, who had to go home due to increasingly worse medical problems shortly after his arrival in Rio Bravo (who was then reassigned to finish out as a missionary in California); I didn’t want to lose another MTC friend, another person whose mission I'd played some small part in. Of the 12 of us who first showed up in District D in the MTC back on August 6, 2014, for one reason or another (whether by assignation or leave), there were now 6 of us in the Mexico, Reynosa Mission --- Half of what we started with 13 months earlier.
There was a joke that my first trainer, Elder Howard, pulled on me back in Rio Bravo (See "Testimonies and Trainers" and "1st Area: Monterreal, Rio Bravo"). Whenever a plane flew over, you'd look up and ask, "Elder, how far away do you think that plane is?". When I first heard it, I thought it was a weird question. I'd guess however many thousands of feet, to which he corrected me with something like, "Actually, for you, it's about two years away". What a tease! Every now and then, I'd test it out on my other companions, and most of the time, they were already in on the joke. Half of the time, we'd ask the other the question, even if they already knew the punchline, and just laugh because of how old the joke got to be. It was like an inside joke for missionaries. Mere days earlier, Elder Scott and I had been walking the streets together watching planes soaring above us and I made that exact joke about the plane being a year away (We'd just passed our 1 year anniversary about a month earlier). The realization of that after the fact was heartbreaking. I never imagined Elder Scott going home without the rest of us in the seats next to him. But we kept him always in our prayers that he would get better.
This is Heavenly Father's work and He has a plan for each of us. His plan might not always be what we want it to be but I know that He loves us and has a purpose for what He does. Some missionaries are unable to serve for the full 18 months or 24 months for varying reasons and that is completely okay. I know that it can be hard to come home early, not always but often it is. It is my testimony that serving the full anticipated duration of a full-time mission does not make you any better than another missionary who could only serve a part of that time. We are all alike in the eyes of God. It is the intent and willingness to do what we can that matters to Heavenly Father. Furthermore, you don't have to wear a name tag or be sent to a distant land to serve the Lord and build the kingdom. (See "Diverse Missionary Service")
The next time I saw Elder Scott was about two and a half years later when we were both at BYU. He was strong and blessed to be able to serve in California after the rest of us got home from Mexico. He didn’t complete the full anticipated term of his Mission in California either due to ongoing medical circumstances but his service was just as valuable. Again, the "real mission" continues after the Mission, not merely when you wear a tie and name tag. I'm very proud of him.
THREE DIMENSIONS
After Elder Scott left so abruptly, in lieu of giving me a new companion, I was assigned to work with Elder Urias and Elder Brogan in a trio who would be companions number 10 and 11 (who were already living with me in Riveras). I anticipated it to be temporary and to get a replacement in a week or two but we were together for about six weeks (About the length of a transfer).
To illustrate how I felt about working within a group of three, imagine an "Etch A Sketch". An Etch A Sketch has two knobs. One controls vertical movement. The other horizontal movement. Now imagine two people, each with a hand on one of the knobs. It would be hard enough for those two people to etch a cohesive image. Now, imagine you have a third knob that allows you to move in the third dimension, up and down. Try creating a three-dimensional object with three people, each having a hand on one dimension. If one person goes in the wrong direction, the other two are affected.
That's not to say that it's not doable but it takes a lot of dedication and practice. And unless you have three willing participants, each willing to put in their share of dedication and practice, the machine won't work. Sometimes, trios are able to pull it off, but such wasn't my case at that time.
I think there's a reason why the human body comes in groups of two and not three. We have two arms. Two hands. Two legs. Two feet. Two ears. Two eyes. Two nostrils. If we need any more than those, we can ask others to lend us a hand, or a second set of eyes.
Working in a trio was more difficult than when in a pair. When there was a "third wheel", there was indecision. A sort of bystander effect. Coasting on a third of the responsibility rather than half. If you can get the job done with two people, then the third person feels like they can sit back and let the others do everything. Who would take the lead in planning, who would speak next, who would choose the next house, and so forth, was basically a game of rock, paper, scissors. For example, you're in a lesson, one person stops talking, the second person can either add some remarks or move on to the next subject; that limits what the third person gets to contribute by the time it's their turn. If the third person just repeats what the others say, then it just becomes redundant and a waste of time. When there are three guys wanting to say something, you end up staying longer than you would otherwise. In theory, unless everybody trimmed down the amount they spoke, every visit was 50% longer than usual. And even then, that's assuming that everyone takes the same amount of time. It's bad enough having one missionary who talks too much. But imagine being the third wheel stuck with two missionaries who talk too much and not getting a chance to get a word in. Not only do the three of us get tired and want to leave, but the person we visit gets bored with us and doesn't want us to use up all of their time returning. You have to respect people's time.
Before you're even teaching anybody, you have to decide where to go. It is far easier to set a course with two heads than three. I have two little nephews and a niece. Do you know how hard it is getting all three of them to look at the camera at the same time?! With three players, it's harder to reach a consensus on anything.
Additionally, we were that much more likely to intimidate strangers since we were more likely to outnumber them. If you were alone and three strangers starting coming towards you on the streets on the Mexican Border, you'd probably be scared too.
It’s tricky enough finding compatibility between two young missionaries with different dispositions from different walks of life, three different characters was a bit much for comfort, although I know I speak for myself when I say this. Those 6 weeks were not the best time. But neither was it the worst time. It had ups and downs.
There's a line written for the musical "1776" in which John Adams poetically proclaims his distaste for the slow-moving Continental Congress, “In my many years, I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a Congress.” In some ways, I also find it true what was said in Captain America: Civil War that, "Two people in a room can get more done than a hundred...Unless you need to move a piano." There are some things where the more the merrier, but as for me, I think there is a reason why we preach two by two.
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