48. Onward
- L Rshaw
- Oct 24, 2019
- 5 min read
Updated: Apr 17, 2022
"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello"
--- Paulo Coelho (Brazillian lyricist & novelist; 1947 - Present)
You can only grow outside of your comfort zone, or so they say. While my time in my first city, Rio Bravo, had some ups, I couldn't imagine spending two full years there doing the same thing day in and day out. It was the first of a number of cities that I got to experience as a missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Apart from the city, there were new people to meet and new experiences to be had. You can thank the past but you can only move forward in time.
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COMPANION NUMBER FIVE
It was early January 2015 now meaning I'd been in Mexico for about 4 months now. We had special transfers again meaning that people would probably be coming and going. And they did. Elder Hernandez left and Elder Nava became Elder William’s new companion and I got companion number five, Elder Z. from Southern Mexico the day after New Year’s. Elder Z. knew near-perfect English as far as I’m concerned. Before being my companion, he was working in the Mission Office (See "Mission Administration"). I’d briefly met him before when I went to get my green card in Reynosa. I was a bit nervous to have an Office Elder as my companion because I expected him to work me to the bone. He was orderly but rarely aggressive. Elder Z. had a calm voice but it carried a train of conviction. He always smiled, so much so that it bothered me. How could you smile when it’s cold and we have no one to teach? He wanted me to take more initiative but I lacked confidence in my Spanish and social skills from being poorly trained (See "Intercambios"). During lessons, he would try to keep things moving and interrupt a conversation if anyone was talking too much. I thought that listening and trying to understand them would somehow help them but Elder Z. taught me that as missionaries we helped people by teaching them. Listening is good but lending them the tools of the gospel was better for the long run.
At the end of the day when it was dark, late, and time to go home, Elder Z. would try to squeeze in another lesson. I appreciated his enthusiasm but we could only do so much; considering how few people opened up during the day, nobody opened up for us in the night of the Mexican border cities. I’d try to convince him to see the glass as half full, “Quality is better than quantity”. He immediately came back at me with a half-laugh half-rebuke, “No Elder Robertshaw. We need both”. To be honest, that bugged me. It felt arrogant. Like he was implying that I wasn't trying to have both. That moment playing out is stuck in my memory forever. Sure, it would be ideal but numbers were never my primary motivation as it was for so many other missionaries I knew. My intent was to make every lesson mean something to a person. If the spirit was present in the lesson, that was a quality lesson and that's something harder to quantify on a report. But most of the time, quantity outnumbered quality. The push to increase quantity decreased our quality because we were focused on getting as much done rather than developing an environment of trust and friendship. Maybe you disagree. What do you think?
THE SECOND CHAPTER
I was only with Elder Z. for about two weeks when normal transfers came around. If anyone would be leaving, it would be me. I was the old man to the area. If it was time to move someone around, I was first on the list. Elder Z. was in denial that I'd be transferred since he wouldn’t know his way around without me, but hey, if it happened to Elder Howard and me, it could happen to anyone. And it did.
We got the call that I would be going to the "Buena Vista 1" area in the city of Matamoros to be companions with another Elder Lopez from Sinaloa, Mexico on the 19th of January.
Elder Z. gave me a sappy pep talk to reassure me that I’d be successful in my new area but word of mouth had me less than enthusiastic about my prospects. Nevertheless, the only factual information I had about Buena Vista was that it was the area Elder Howard had been assigned to with Elder Hale after his time with me (See "Testimonies and Trainers" and "Adventures of District D"). Both were reassigned to other areas before I got there, unfortunately. It would have been nice to be around familiar faces again.
Although I was excited to a degree, I was sad to say goodbye to the only place and chapter of the mission I knew.
Sunday came. I decided not to make a big deal out of my departure at church so I waited until the Church members were heading home to say a few farewells. I felt gratitude for the encouragement and support they gave me that I needed to make it through those first months. When one door closes another door opens. One missionary leaves and another arrives. The family gets bigger and bigger. We can't change the past; all we can do is look onward and make the most of what is to come.
As I walked away from that chapel building for what would be the last time, I couldn’t quite hold back the tears starting to blur my vision. Don't get me wrong, after almost 4 months in the same area I was excited for a change of scenery. But what got me the most was saying goodbye to the members of the Monterreal branch who I'd probably never see again. Thankfully, Facebook keeps me in touch with many of them and some of them have visited Utah. That's something that I never thought would be possible, but it was a blessing nonetheless to see them years later with the same level of friendliness as back then.
The time came to say farewells to Elders Z., Nava, and Williams although it wouldn’t be the last time I’d see them. I'd see them again for Mission celebrations and things like that. Nonetheless, it can be daunting moving to a new city and living with strangers all over again. It was like starting from block one again.
I peered out the bus windows and watched as buildings turned into vast fields then back into buildings through a thick endless fog. About as suddenly as Dorothy arrives in the land of Oz, I was in Matamoros.
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