"Adults are just outdated children"
--- Dr. Seuss
Whenever I do anything for the first time, I feel like a kid again learning to ride a bike. When you do something that you haven't done in a while and you're still able to do it, people say it's like riding a bike. But I for one am not great at riding a bike and never have been. I can ride a bike. But don't expect it to be a smooth ride. Expect some wobbling at the very least. That's what it was like learning to be a missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. There were many times when I felt incompetent and helpless. But the only way we get better at something is by putting in time and practice. But as far as missionary work goes, in my experience, the best lesson that a new missionary can learn is to be patient and humble and rely on the Lord.
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MY FIRST DAY IN THE STREETS OF MEXICO
Within minutes of dropping my luggage on the floor, Elder Howard asked if I was ready to go. I had hoped to have time to settle in but I was naive. The day was still young, just like I was. There was work to be done. I was sleep-deprived but couldn’t rest. I was on the Lord’s errand. I grabbed my heavy shoulder bag not really knowing what I would need and we walked to our scheduled appointment.
I remember my first missionary discussion. Elder Howard had previously been teaching Gwendolyn for some time with Elder De Los Santos, his previous companion. She was a curly-haired big-boned twelve-year-old little girl. Elder Howard told me she came to church once or twice but her mother didn’t want her to commit even though she gave us permission to teach her. Her mother usually worked in the kitchen with the front door open as we taught outside on the driveway (It was hotter inside). She was a good kid but a child still—a bit on the “hard to keep their attention” kind. It was an honor to have Elder Howard introduce me so kindly but it felt odd for him to mention how it was my first day; not insulting, just a reality check for me. Just the thought, the realization that I was actually in Mexico, forced to speak in Spanish and teach among everything else the experience had to offer made my heart race a bit faster. I wanted to do well. Like everyone, my biggest critic was myself.
On our scorching trek over, Elder Howard asked me what part of the lesson I’d feel the most comfortable teaching. And so, knowing we were going to teach a watered-down version of "The Plan of Salvation", I chose to explain our life on Earth; after all, it was the shortest section in the pamphlet and the least complicated to understand. Elder Howard briefly touched on prophets, how we're children of God, and a few other things. Nevertheless, I kid you not, after every three words that came out of my mouth, Gwendolyn would turn to Elder Howard, cutting me off mid-sentence with a heart-wrenching and surprisingly loud plea to my companion as if I were invisible, “What did he say?!” in the most piercing high-pitched little girl tone. Her exaggerated expressions of confusion were almost cartoon-like in their extremity as children sometimes do. It was like she unintentionally wanted to drive the nail into my heart, and make sure I got the message. She'd tilt her head at an uncomfortable right angle like a confused bird with an expression on her face like she'd just eaten something sour that she wanted to spit out. She held nothing back. Not the faintest attempt to conceal her attitude towards me to spare my fragile feelings. I couldn’t finish a single sentence before being interrupted by the same vain repetition, "What did he say?!". I’d never been so frustrated in my whole life! I understand that little children don't have the attention span that adults might, but I thought that teaching a child would be easier than teaching someone older than me, like teaching a 6th grader instead of a grad student. It was clear that I could have said anything to her and it would have gone in one ear and back out the other. When I realized that, I let Elder Howard try to finish the lesson so she could hopefully learn something before we had to go.
Elder Howard on the other hand was very kind and patient. He let me do what I could, filling in the blanks of my vocabulary when needed. In essence, my first lesson as a missionary was letting this guy from Idaho be my translator. He wasn't perturbed in the least with my excessive rambling for which I'm grateful. He didn't try to take the reins back until I asked him to. Even on my first day, he made me feel like my contributions mattered.
Even though I gave it my best go, I didn’t really contribute to the discussion. I knew how to teach in English. I knew the doctrine. But I had to start from square one all over again like a newborn. I guess that gave a new layer of meaning to “Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.” (Matt. 18:3, 3 Nephi 11:37-38)
BECOMING LIKE A CHILD
There is a difference between being “childish” and “child-like”. Childishness is synonymous with immaturity. On the other hand, King Benjamin in the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ describes being child-like beautifully in this popular verse:
“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” (Mosiah 3:19)
What does this mean? Well, the "natural man" refers to a person who chooses to be influenced by the passions, desires, appetites, and senses of the flesh rather than by the promptings of the Holy Spirit. As a person with a Psychology degree, I've heard some psychologists compare this with Freud's concept of a person's "Id" --- a person's instinctive and compulsive, sometimes aggressive, personality. Such a person can comprehend physical things but not spiritual things.
To "put off the natural man" means to turn to God which we do by exercising faith, repenting, honoring our covenants and becoming more like Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
Children are wonderful and pure (Even though they can be a handful). They're sinless even if they do make mistakes occasionally as do we all, but mistakes aren't sins. It’s children that Jesus says we must become like. We need to develop the attributes King Benjamin listed which coincide with the fruits of the spirit (Gal. 5:22-23); perhaps above all, being humble enough to be taught and corrected by the spirit.
HUMILITY
There are few things more humbling than being planted in a new culture and not being able to understand or communicate with others. It’s easy to feel alone and envious, and at times impatient. As a missionary, you have such a burning desire to help people, and to not be able to speak intelligibly can be torturous. There were three and four-year-old toddlers whose Spanish was better than mine. I could barely figure out how to say “pass the ketchup”. From the get-go, I was learning to rely on others, and there is no shame in that. It was such an important lesson. Humility is an attribute of Christ, not weakness. It may come as consequence of weakness, but it's positive. You can be humbled without being humiliated.
Having humility means that we present to our Heavenly Father and the Savior “a broken heart and a contrite spirit” (3 Nephi 9:20). We become meek and teachable like a child (Matthew 18:4; Mosiah 3:19). We overcome pride and recognize gratefully our dependence on the Lord. We repent when we need to repent. We understand that we need Heavenly Father’s support and that our talents and our gifts come from Him. Humility is a reliance on the Lord and accepting help knowing that you cannot do all things by yourself all the time.
The Lord spoke to the brother of Jared in the Book of Mormon when he feared that he would be mocked for his weakness, particularly his weakness in writing:
“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27)
What a great if-then statement! Our imperfections are not meant to be shameful. Weakness isn't sin. Our weaknesses are meant to be worked on, patiently perhaps, but worked on nonetheless. Being humble is to exercise faith—faith that our weaknesses can become our strengths and a firm assurance that they're not permanent. It may be sooner, or it may be later, but if we are willing to take the time to polish our rougher edges, we will inevitably shine.
Notice from whom our weaknesses come in the previous scripture. They come from the Lord. Sometimes we have the tendency to think the opposite but rest assured that weakness is but an opportunity for improvement. Improvement and growth and joy are the purposes of our existence. Weakness is meant to test us but not define us. It is by striving to be our best that we prove our determination, our faith, and our patience.
Meekness isn't weakness. Sometimes there's a tendency to hear the word “meek” and think of someone soft and vulnerable. Meekness is a divine attribute. Jesus himself said that he was “meek and lowly of heart” (Matt. 11:29). The Greek rendition of the word meek in the New Testament is “gentle and humble.” Coupled with this valuable attribute is obedience, kindness, responsibility, and patience. Meekness is a topic that deserves deeper study than we often give it.
My circumstance wasn't unique. There are many missionaries who worry over their ability to speak a foreign language, whether it's a matter of fluency or eloquence, but these things don't matter nearly as much as he or she believes them to be. When I would feel that my Spanish wasn't where I wanted it to be, Elder Howard would encourage me with an insight that I came to accept later: simplicity trumps complexity. Many missionaries are so bent on teaching everything they know at once, but when a missionary speaks in simple terms, everything is easier to understand, and the easier the spirit can testify which is all that matters. A missionary’s job is to teach true principles and doctrine, not for the sake of dispensing information, but for the sake of building faith unto repentance and conversion to the Lord. Says Alma to his son Helaman in another Book of Mormon scripture:
“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say into you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise. And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purpose; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls.” (Alma 37:6-7)
Don’t feel discouraged. The more we practice with patience the things we need to improve, the better adept we will become. We don’t need to know, do, or be everything all at once. God is more than pleased with our day-by-day efforts. Bit by bit.
Remember this: humility is relying on the Lord. When you feel like what you do isn’t good enough, or that your weaknesses are getting the best of you, remember to turn to the Lord with whom you are yoked and let His grace put your mind at ease. Life isn’t a race, it’s a journey.
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