"Judas, betrayest thou the Son of Man with a kiss?"
There are things that you might not immediately consider when exploring new cultures. Not just the food, language, and arts, but small things weaved into the people themselves like the way they behave, talk, and think. Unless you're informed about local customs, they can go right over your head. What's normal to some people is completely foreign to others. There might be mixed messages occasionally. But even when you're conscientious of local customs, it's not always an easy transition leaning into them.
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THE DODGER
At the start of March 2016, all four of the Hermanas in the San José Area were reassigned to other Areas leaving just Elder Mullins and me with the Area to ourselves. Just like that, we went from 6 missionaries to 2 in the Ward. As you'd imagine, consolidating the teaching progress of the 6 of us down to just the 2 of us was a lot of work. On the one hand, it was awesome having so many new people on our teaching list, but on the other hand, it was a challenge to keep the momentum going. We did our best to go follow up with these people, many of which were strangers to us, and a few of which we knew a little bit about.
This is the wisdom in nightly reports (See "Mission Administration"). Reports aren't just about numbers. Reporting is about being able to attach names to those numbers, to learn about them and their specific needs. And that's the same reason why missionaries are supposed to fill out a paper record tracking each person's teaching progress. These paper records are supposed to be kept in a binder called an "Area Book" so that new missionaries can review what past missionaries did, with who, where, and when so the people they visited aren't lost to the aether and forgotten about. When the Hermanas left San José, they left us their Area books which were useful. But on top of that, we had our Zone Leaders whom they reported to every night. Because of this, our Zone Leaders were able to tell us a little bit about the people that the two Hermanas in the other District were teaching, people that Elder Mullins and I knew little about. One of those people was an 18-year-old girl named Alejandra.
Elder Mullins and I dutifully went to follow up with Alejandra whom Hermana Godoy and Hermana Monson were previously teaching late one afternoon a couple of blocks down the street from our house. All we'd planned on doing was popping by to introduce ourselves and set up a return appointment to come back to teach her family another day. We could see that lights were on in the house so we knew someone was home. We yelled, “Buenas Tardes!”. A girl peaked out of the second-floor window, saw that it was us, and raced down the stairs. We heard her shuffling around before opening the door. I wondered what she was doing that was taking her so long.
You should know that there is a common Mexican greeting. It's not unique to Mexico and I don't even believe it's used in all of Mexico, but it was on the northern frontier where I was. It's common that when a woman greets someone, she exchanges a kiss on the right cheek. You can still shake hands or hug or whatever, but it's a common gesture for females. Sometimes, it's just a kissing sound in the air with cheek touching cheek. Sometimes cheeks don't even touch and they just get close enough and make the kissing sound. Women did this with both men and other women. Men don't do this with other men. It was nothing inappropriate in and of itself and wasn’t personal. It was a quick and common friendly gesture, not intimate in the least. The Hermanas did it all the time with other women but not with men, and as young male missionaries, we obviously avoided such things altogether. Or at least I did.
As this girl, who is about the same age as us and is honestly gorgeous, opens the door, she seems very smiley. I go to shake hands like we did with everybody, but instead, she goes in to kiss me on the cheek. Instinctively, I twist my torso backward to avoid it as she’s practically on her tiptoes trying to reach me. I didn’t even think of what I was doing or how she would take it but I was just caught so off guard; I was speechless and this was my natural reaction. I must have been in this frozen position of shock, somewhere between the Matrix and a game of limbo for a good few seconds. When she gets the hint that I don’t want to be kissed, she backs off and settles for the handshake. Neither of us really knows what to do or say next.
I feel awful knowing that I probably just accidentally insulted her. I look over at my companion to see what he's doing, if he's going to step in and help or intervene or say anything. Elder Mullins’ eyes are bulging and he gives me a look of shock and shame for a good two seconds before he politely steps forward to shake hands with her.
Anyways, I don't remember much else of our quick visit on her doorstep. I think I was just so lost in the thought that I could never repair the damage that I'd caused her that I was completely in my head instead of in the real world following the conversation. Either way, we were only there for maybe five minutes or less so I don't think we talked about much.
As we finish up and we're walking back towards home, Elder Mullins reprimands me for dodging her friendly kiss and then goes on to blame me for ruining his chance for a kiss from this beautiful girl! I couldn't tell if he was joking or not because he was laughing while reprimanding me! I think he was joking?
! I tried defending myself that it was nothing personal against this well-meaning girl but as a missionary who is trusted to have good judgment, and especially as a leader, I felt in that moment to back off. Honestly, I didn’t even think of what to do, I just did it. Like the way you would instinctively move out of the way if you saw a fast-moving object flying towards your face out of the corner of your eye. It was as much a reflex as a choice.
In some ways, I guess Elder Mullins was also right in his reasoning. He made me feel guilty that I’d left that kind girl embarrassed, even unintentionally. Even if I did get a quick peck on the cheek, it really wouldn’t have hurt anybody. It was a friendly gesture that they did to everybody and was nothing personal. At least I don’t think it was in this case.
As we walk home we realize that our hands smell like girly lotion. I guess that’s what this girl was rushing to do before opening the door before we shook her hand. Honestly, it smelled good. Maybe it was for the best we left. We’ll never know.
THE HIT AND RUN
I guess Elder Mullins did get the kiss he wanted though. There was another younger girl in the Ward, a convert I'm told, who we'd noticed had her eyes on him. He was convinced that she was spying on me (We could see her staring in our peripherals at church) but I assured him that the blonde white guy was far more interesting than generic dark-haired, dark-skinned me who could pass for a local.
One day, shortly after leaving our lunch appointment, we see this girl from the Ward. Smiling she runs up to us. We stop for her to catch up because I think she’s going to tell us something or say hello like some do but instead, she runs up to Elder Mullins and plants a solid kiss on his cheek without saying a word to either of us. She runs off smiling and Elder Mullins and I both look at each other stunned. We start laughing as Elder Mullins tries to process what just happened. I just laugh at him, proving my point that she wasn’t interested in me. She left me alone. The fact that that's all she stopped us for and left makes me suspect that it wasn't your run-of-the-mill friendly greeting like Alejandra had gone in for.
Anyways, that never happened again and we kept our eyes on her but she left us alone from there on out. Again, Elder Mullins didn’t do anything wrong but I just had to laugh. Be careful what you wish for!
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