"Sometimes you can't pay it back so you just have to pay it forward"
--- Randy Pausch (American educator; 1960 - 2008)
I won't pretend I've always been the best example of selflessness or charity, but I strive to be better every day. Small and simple acts of kindness come in all shapes and forms and don't have to involve money. Elder Mullins was one of many examples to me of selfless service and I got to see him perform many kind acts during my time with him in San José.
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GIVE AND TAKE
Elder Mullins and I were determined to make our companionship the best one yet. Living alone made it easier to focus on one another. From the get-go, we made an extra effort to do nice things for each other. We were as polite as newlyweds, placing great emphasis on “Please” and “Thank you”. At the start, things were just sweet and peachy. But then things turned sour.
It all started coming home one night. I had the house keys. Elder Mullins had both hands full. It was taking me a second to get the key to the door so Elder Mullins asked if I wanted help, which was nice of him. I answered with what I felt was a polite, “No. I got it”. I guess I forgot to throw a “Thank You” at the end of that because Elder Mullins took that completely the wrong way. I didn’t intend for it to come off as rude but he heard it as an authoritative rebuke. I didn’t mean to but I guess that hurt him a lot. My thinking was that his hands were full and I didn’t want to bother him with one more thing that I could just as easily do myself; I couldn’t take advantage of his kindness like that. He held on to that misunderstanding for the longest time with such bitterness although I tried to assure him that I meant no offense. From there the purity of heart-felt service grew increasingly moldy.
In the following days and weeks, Elder Mullins kept offering to do things for me like making breakfast, cutting my hair, taking out the garbage, or reporting to the Zone Leaders at night. He even fixed our washing machine and often lit the boiler in the cold morning. Since he always offered so kindly, I accepted graciously and tried to make sure he knew that I appreciated it, at least in words. But he didn’t always feel like my service matched his and he started feeling used (Which I think most of us can relate to that feeling from time to time). I don’t find fault with him because he honestly did do more than me but I figured since he offered to do all these things, he didn't mind doing them. However, secretly, it seems like he wanted me to return the favor without having to ask me; to match his outstanding kindness with more than an average effort on my part. I don’t excuse myself because I know that I could have done more and taken more initiative. Still, let me say this, Elder Mullins was an incredible companion who truly wore himself out in the service of others, evident in the photo above. As far as I am concerned now, he was justified in wanting some rest and relief, and he deserved it more than anyone I know.
If you haven’t picked up on this by now after over 100 blog posts of mine, all companions are different. When I think of our time together, I think something didn’t click completely because we didn’t realize that our love languages were different. Yes, I said love languages! And when I mean "love" I mean “Agape” which you can learn about in my previous post, "Chastity and Charity". There is a publicly acclaimed book called “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman that suggests there are five ways to express and experience love: gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. It’s obvious to see now that Elder Mullins’ love language was acts of service. Mine is words of affirmation. Neither of us was very diligent in attending to what the other needed in this regard.
Let me quote from a previous post of mine:
"...I’m not the only one to say that [the mission] is great preparation for an eternal companion, that is to say marriage...
I may not be an expert but my advice for successful companionships, whether in the mission or in marriage, would be the following: Learn to communicate well, learn to listen and be open and attentive to what is being said, learn to compromise, learn to forgive quickly, learn to be patient, learn to set goals together, learn to trust each other, learn how to work on a one-to-one level, learn how to ask questions when you want to know something, learn to both give and accept advice, learn to walk side-by-side (neither one too far ahead or too far behind), and just generally learn how to have fun even when things get hard. What it comes down to is if you are committed to making your companion your best friend and if you are both on the same page.
Having a companion is a sign of trust from the Lord. Your companion has thoughts, and feelings, worries and concerns just as yourself and being placed with him or her should be just as much a blessing to them as it is for yourself. It isn’t always about the investigators and the members; missionary work begins with caring for your companion as yourself. You are in their life for a reason as they are in yours. Ask not what they can do for you but what you can do for them. The world does not center around you." --- Welcome to the MTC!
I believe that the kind of relationship you choose, yes choose, to have with your companion determines the success you'll have. The more you trust one another, the more the spirit will be with you. You won’t have everything in common but you must be willing to care about your companion like you care about your own well-being. You can learn as much from what someone says as by their attitude. You talk together, you laugh together, you cry together, and you will disagree but you learn to press on together. Truly, the mission is the perfect practice for future relationships. - Adventures of District D -- Part 1
Companionships are rarely flawless but our Achilles heel started with the house key and menial offers to serve. What should have filled us with charity, Agape, turned into something else.
SWEET
Elder Mullins and I were doing our weekly grocery shopping on P-day in the Bodega Aurrera down the street from where we had our District Meetings on February 2, 2016. There was a certain marshmallow and raspberry jelly-filled chocolate bar that I liked to treat myself to now and then called “Bubu Lubu”. Whenever I was at the checkout, I had to grab two, one for now and one for later in the week. It was like clockwork.
I go ahead and pay for my groceries first, including my two Bubu Lubus. Then just before the cashier finishes processing his goods, Elder Mullins grabs some last-minute cookies, turns around, and gives one of the packets to the little boy in the check-out line behind us. The boy's mom apologizes, asking if her son had asked him to buy it for him, to which Elder Mullins assures her he hadn't. Elder Mullins just thought he’d do something nice for them. The mother and son thanked him, a bit in disbelief that someone would be so kind, and we went on our way. Elder Mullins didn’t make a spectacle of it or expect any reward for his genuine altruism but it left a great impression on me. I thought again about how selfish I often was and how simple but powerful small acts of random kindness are. I know that it probably seems like an insignificant speck in time for Elder Mullins, one that he probably would forget without me there to remind him, but I will never forget the look of happiness on that little boy’s face.
Charity, the pure love of God, "suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things... it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him." (Moroni 7:45, 47)
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